An electrical blackout when you're in the middle of a dump is challenging

Oh boy,wat a day.
when I get back home from having a yumcha session with my friends, all I want to do is sit down on the throne and have me a nice session together with some reading material (picked up a magazine from work)

as I am roughly near the tail end of my business,the neighbourhood experiences a blackout.
in an instant,my senses heightened,my instincts kick in.
The memories of my surroundings immediately begin to form in front of me as I frantically draw a picture in the pitch black darkness,where was the last known location of the toilet roll? what is in front of me?what position were my boxers in?where shall I toss the magazine so I wouldn't step on it and mess it up?
As these thoughts raced through my head,my instincts kicked in.
Calmly,I remembered the rough location of the toilet roll(about 30 cm to my right,sitting on the toilet roll dispenser)and began groping in the space void of light.
With the grace of an ice-skater,I roll an approximate length,using my mind's eye to visualize the length that will comfortably get the job done, with room for error,should there be any.
I subsequently apply the usage of the toilet paper with the utmost care and precision,making sure to utilize all my 25+ years of experience.
As my cousin aptly put,I am relying on muscle memory to carry out the job when my sight has been inhibited by the pitch black darkness.
Needless to say,with my 25+ years experience,no mishaps were encountered, and I safely maneuvered my boxers back on and washed my hands(also,using heightened senses and my minds eye to visualize where the tap and soap were the last time I used it)
Crisis averted.
Phew.

Here's what happened immediately after the ordeal (still no electricity)
I decided to post on facebook with my mobile phone,coz these things should be shared on one of the most popular social networking sites on the planet in an attempt to make oneself sound really funny and/or witty.

Yes,I have not so smart friends, and a helpful cousin.guess who's who.
Names have been erased for protection of identity and protection from being super-ridiculed by our other friends.But photo has been kept for a tasty clue
See,I'm a nice guy fr.....oopps, almost gave the name away.