Ever think before you speak?

When I heard this from my colleague (a certain fag called Ady)
I told him, this is so going on my blog (welcome 21st century)

Context (talking about his family chiropractor who has corrected him, his dad, his mom)
Quote:he even did my girlfriend!

Bravo champ, Bravo.

Work- U get RAPED, SHAFTED, SCREWED, AIDS and SHIT

Letter I received from my friend

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Enjoy the Holidays! 

Sincerely, 
The Management 

Friday Night Lights,GPS and Handheld puppets

Today I'd like to have a go at 2 completely separate subjects that have completely nothing to do with each other.

Friday Night
Met up with my ex-colleagues last week to celebrate the much belated house warming of Jo's spanking new house in a not-so-spanking-new neighbourhood.
Where is it?Good ol' SS2 near the Taman Sea School.

Of course,Friday's are the best time to do a bbq for ones' housewarming,but boy,did I have a bit of a bothersome Friday. Lately,it seems that doodoo has been happening on a Friday, but that did not deter me from pulling through to evening to finally embark on the adventure that is "Find Jo's House"
Ok,so my knowledge of PJ ain't the best, and frankly, it has been QUITE a while since I have used the LDP or even ventured into SS2, apart from one time I think this year where I went to the Fatty Crab(which,if u ask me,is kinda "meh". I have tasted better at lower prices.but that is another story altogether)

So I pick up jolly Farizzah from Dataran Maybank in Bangsar, and head on off towards SS2, where I was DAMN sure you take the non-TTDI tollbooth on the Sprint highway.Yeah, I nailed that bit
But then..this is when problems started.
To put the story short, we got lost(well,I kinda thought that the Taman Bahagia Station was AFTER Kelana Jaya.Guess I was wrong.Sorry Farizzah)
I need a GPS

We arrived about an hour and a half late.
But no worries, I brought JAEGERMEISTER and REDBULL!WOOTTTT!
Unfortunately...my ex colleagues never shared a shred of my enthusiasm.sigh....
I am now left with 5 cans of Redbull and 1 nearly full bottle of Jaegermeister

BBQ verdict:
self toasted garlic bread is awesome
not everyone eats chicken wings (It is against my beliefs and my religion.someone ask me what my religion is)
we'll have pizza and sandwiches next bbq(perhaps at Peter's?)
don't bring Jaegermeister and Redbull

and on a seperate note
Have any of you lot played with hand puppets before?
You know, those which you could DIY with a sock, some sewing materials, buttons and whatnot, or to the more elaborate off-the-shelf store bought ones.
I did play with a couple of them when I was a kid. A koala and a wombat. guess where they came from?

Anyhoo, my mom was showing me a new hand puppet she bought from her travels from somewhere. It was a frog that could be turned inside out when you kiss it to becomee....a Prince!
Technology these days.
And my mom had to end her presentation with, "would you like to stick your hand up the Prince's arse?"
Her words, not mine:)

Long live the handheld puppets

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Yes,some random crap once in a while will do one good.

I am gonna suit up in the morning!

Be cool and suit up!

Midweek Funnies and illegal immigrants

Yeaps,it's gonna be Wednesday, the middle of the working week.3 days to go to the oh so lovely sleep-in-till late sat-uhh-day

Why Harry Potter is much better than Twilight is highlighted by this dumbass question.

Jokes aside,I had a pretty awesome weekend with me pals, and a BONUS pal who I haven't seen in a while(balik coz visa expiring..ahahaha.lest he be deported)

On Saturday,I had me some good food at Starhill Gallery.For those not in the know, they have a 3-6pm promotion where a few places like Shook!, the Korean place and the Chinese place have a special menu with most items retailing at RM3.60.Yes,you saw right, Starhill,Shook!,RM3.60 a dish.
Of course,don't expect the dishes to be large enough to feed the Weasley Twins.But order enough,and you'll soon find yourself quite stuffed.I have tried both Shook! and the Chinese place, and I found the menu to be quite decent.Grab the sausage at Shook!,it's pretty tasty!and the Chinese place has pretty good Fried Kuay Teow, and each dish for the not so princely sum of RM3.60.nice!
After all the food, we decided to go karaoke!
woot!haven't done that in a while.SO lets go! honestly,I haven't been practicing my chinese songs, so was a little rusty there.However,I did rock a few rap verses,especially Knock You Down by Keri Hilson feat Kanye West and Ne-Yo.That was so awesome when I managed to pull off at least 80% of the rap bits!WooT!
First attempt at Eminem's verses on Love the Way you Lie kinda tanked though.That guy is just genius.
Long story short, sang enough to lose most of my voice by the end of the session (8-12.30am woots!)

Sunday rolls around,and it's time for futsal!
My illegal immigrant friend joined me for my usual round of futsal on the weekend.
We kicked ass:) Mainly coz he's pretty good and has lotsa stamina. So I just hung back and let him do all the attacking,mainly coz I have a bit of a broken toe-nail, so didn't feel like bombing around getting into needless challenges and end up hurting myself again.

Then off for dinner with my family and my unc and aunt who're visiting from New Zealand
Yay for seafood near the Tropicana City Mall area.Don't ask me where,I just followed my sis there.
The butter prawns and butter crab and pissing prawns are pretty good there.and the fried man tou is awesome when u dip it into the butter crab sauce!Sin in a bun!

After dinner,it's time to watch football!
Watched it with my illegal immigrant friend near his place. Chelsea V Arsenal.
Man,it's really like men vs boys sometimes.and what's the deal with The Drog always scoring against Arsenal?With a ridiculous backheel as well! go youtube that folks!
did catch the Barcelona game as well,and boy,did Pep take a gamble leaving out Xavi.With Messi et. al misfiring and pretty good fortune from..Mallorca I think (2 shots, 1 goal) they only got a draw out of their home game.

So Monday is upon me.......time to get to work.....

An electrical blackout when you're in the middle of a dump is challenging

Oh boy,wat a day.
when I get back home from having a yumcha session with my friends, all I want to do is sit down on the throne and have me a nice session together with some reading material (picked up a magazine from work)

as I am roughly near the tail end of my business,the neighbourhood experiences a blackout.
in an instant,my senses heightened,my instincts kick in.
The memories of my surroundings immediately begin to form in front of me as I frantically draw a picture in the pitch black darkness,where was the last known location of the toilet roll? what is in front of me?what position were my boxers in?where shall I toss the magazine so I wouldn't step on it and mess it up?
As these thoughts raced through my head,my instincts kicked in.
Calmly,I remembered the rough location of the toilet roll(about 30 cm to my right,sitting on the toilet roll dispenser)and began groping in the space void of light.
With the grace of an ice-skater,I roll an approximate length,using my mind's eye to visualize the length that will comfortably get the job done, with room for error,should there be any.
I subsequently apply the usage of the toilet paper with the utmost care and precision,making sure to utilize all my 25+ years of experience.
As my cousin aptly put,I am relying on muscle memory to carry out the job when my sight has been inhibited by the pitch black darkness.
Needless to say,with my 25+ years experience,no mishaps were encountered, and I safely maneuvered my boxers back on and washed my hands(also,using heightened senses and my minds eye to visualize where the tap and soap were the last time I used it)
Crisis averted.
Phew.

Here's what happened immediately after the ordeal (still no electricity)
I decided to post on facebook with my mobile phone,coz these things should be shared on one of the most popular social networking sites on the planet in an attempt to make oneself sound really funny and/or witty.

Yes,I have not so smart friends, and a helpful cousin.guess who's who.
Names have been erased for protection of identity and protection from being super-ridiculed by our other friends.But photo has been kept for a tasty clue
See,I'm a nice guy fr.....oopps, almost gave the name away.

You Are Being Monitored

Don't we all wish we could monitor certain people?

Only in New York,I think

I'm Also a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Cookie-dough

Thin girl #1, in front of ice cream fridge: Oh no, I shouldn't get any. I'm fat enough already.
Thin girl #2: Bitch, do not say stupid shit like that. You look fine.
Thin girl #1: No, you don't get it! I only look skinny. I have no muscle definition at all, it's all fat. I'm marbled. It's a trick.
Thin girl #2: So you're like... A stealth fatty?
Thin girl #1: I'm a chub ninja. I walk amongst skinny people undetected.

--Whole Foods, Union Square

ahahahahaa.

Was browsing around this website:

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com


some hilarious stuff there.some not quite so believable,but some i'm pretty sure did happen,like the above

Milk in the morning

Ugh...god,please don't make my  tummy rumble during the morning rush hour just coz I drank a glass of milk in the morning
seriously not funny

However,this is:

Yeap,that's why Catholics all over the world idolize the dude.He's a legendary rocker