Work- U get RAPED, SHAFTED, SCREWED, AIDS and SHIT

Letter I received from my friend

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Enjoy the Holidays! 

Sincerely, 
The Management 

I'm stoked!

I'm so stoked!
It's a Friday night and i'm sitting here buzzing in anticipation for an early Saturday morning (8.30am arrival on site no less)
I will be joining in a trial run of a "Business Continuity Plan", the contingency plan for big organizations when shit hits the fan in the main office. You have a backup office so that most if not at least core functions of the business can keep on running at an alternate site.
I'm so excited I'm so excited!

LIKE HELL I AM!
FARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
it's my FRIDAYYYYYY
I wanna sleep in on a bloody SATURDAYYY!
but nooooo!
I have to wake up at least at bloody 7.30am to attend this crap that probably will never ever end up being utilized!
I mean,come on,I really don't see terrorists jackin an airasia plane and making a beeline for my headquarters, or on a smaller scale, a fire outbreak over the weekend coz of faulty wiring/short circuits.
oh,wait, that kinda thing sorta did happen to me before.
When I was in Form 1, Secondary school, my block got burnt coz the library air con short circuited overnight.
Can you say FREE HOLIDAY?
YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!
but then,the school displayed unbeknown efficiency to get the kids back into school (likely so we don't fill our time at the shopping malls, mixing up with the wrong crowd, running drugs, running pimping business, weapons and in general, contributing to the moral decline of the nation.
Damn the one time you'd curse one's schools' efficiency it turns out to be just a day or 2 of getting alternate classrooms set up for us First Formers.

sorry folks,just venting a lil'
tell u more tmrw after I drag my soul through a saturday morning.

pow pow!

O   M   F   G   !
I'll cut a long story short
I went frickin gun shooting on sunday!
a real gun!
 a glock 19! I feel like a terrorist with 800 bucks starting money right now!(that's a counter-strike reference btw)
and feel real badass now. and when a van cut off my sis on the way to dinner with me parents,our car (me,sis and her bf) were like "yo,you wanna mess with us?we just busted a few rounds back there. U wanna go man?, go show em' your way accurate shooting gea!)
my sis, btw,kicked our asses at shooting.pretty much kept everything around the middle of the target.
but the instructor told us that females are proven to be better shooters.so she had a genetic advantage.pffff
i did alright i guess.but it got tiring in the end, and i can't describe to you guys the adrenaline rush that comes with holding a frickin gun and popping off a few rounds!

that shit in movies, where the hero just unloads his pistol like it ain't nothing?
BULLSHIT
the recoil is bad enough for you to not aim that well.
and our instructor said that dual weilding usually ends up with you pulling the trigger on both guns at the same time (thought you'd go all alternating fire with each gun ala counterstrike dual berettas right?not happening. it's something most humans have. i think it's called something like pairing motor reflexes or some shit like that.i know i go the name wrong. can someone tell me what is it?)
Why is it good to know?
well,don't dig your nose with one hand and hold the gun with finger on trigger in the other.shit WILL happen.

here's something to do
go google the 4 universal rules of handling a gun.
and you can even see it in a frickin magic trick here!

Friday Night Lights,GPS and Handheld puppets

Today I'd like to have a go at 2 completely separate subjects that have completely nothing to do with each other.

Friday Night
Met up with my ex-colleagues last week to celebrate the much belated house warming of Jo's spanking new house in a not-so-spanking-new neighbourhood.
Where is it?Good ol' SS2 near the Taman Sea School.

Of course,Friday's are the best time to do a bbq for ones' housewarming,but boy,did I have a bit of a bothersome Friday. Lately,it seems that doodoo has been happening on a Friday, but that did not deter me from pulling through to evening to finally embark on the adventure that is "Find Jo's House"
Ok,so my knowledge of PJ ain't the best, and frankly, it has been QUITE a while since I have used the LDP or even ventured into SS2, apart from one time I think this year where I went to the Fatty Crab(which,if u ask me,is kinda "meh". I have tasted better at lower prices.but that is another story altogether)

So I pick up jolly Farizzah from Dataran Maybank in Bangsar, and head on off towards SS2, where I was DAMN sure you take the non-TTDI tollbooth on the Sprint highway.Yeah, I nailed that bit
But then..this is when problems started.
To put the story short, we got lost(well,I kinda thought that the Taman Bahagia Station was AFTER Kelana Jaya.Guess I was wrong.Sorry Farizzah)
I need a GPS

We arrived about an hour and a half late.
But no worries, I brought JAEGERMEISTER and REDBULL!WOOTTTT!
Unfortunately...my ex colleagues never shared a shred of my enthusiasm.sigh....
I am now left with 5 cans of Redbull and 1 nearly full bottle of Jaegermeister

BBQ verdict:
self toasted garlic bread is awesome
not everyone eats chicken wings (It is against my beliefs and my religion.someone ask me what my religion is)
we'll have pizza and sandwiches next bbq(perhaps at Peter's?)
don't bring Jaegermeister and Redbull

and on a seperate note
Have any of you lot played with hand puppets before?
You know, those which you could DIY with a sock, some sewing materials, buttons and whatnot, or to the more elaborate off-the-shelf store bought ones.
I did play with a couple of them when I was a kid. A koala and a wombat. guess where they came from?

Anyhoo, my mom was showing me a new hand puppet she bought from her travels from somewhere. It was a frog that could be turned inside out when you kiss it to becomee....a Prince!
Technology these days.
And my mom had to end her presentation with, "would you like to stick your hand up the Prince's arse?"
Her words, not mine:)

Long live the handheld puppets

My Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


Marianne Williamson


"Me,be the best you can be
Me,you have always had the potential
Me,you have made a promise to yourself to be more than you can be
Me,how can you fail if you have not started?
Me,there is more to this life than going through the motions
Me,he who thinks he cannot, will not
Me,he who thinks he might be able to,will
Me,there are people out there that need a little light in their lives.
Me,start by helping the ones near you first
Me,you will be the light that shines the way for others to sparkle
Me,always have faith in yourself,even though you are no man of faith


Me,let's begin"


Alexander Lim

Halloween Trickin and Treating oh yeah!

Woots Halloween!Zouk Club KL!
Halloween at Zouk for a bit of work related stuff(yeap,American Express supported the good ol' Halloween bash at Zouk Club yesterday, and boy did people turn out in droves!
when it started getting packed,it REALLY GOT PACKED!
around peak time, at say 11,the lines were pretty messed up,and the bouncers were kinda stressed.
Thanks to those idiots who just wanna go in first coz they on guestlists and stuff. Line The Fuck UP!
Bumped into some familiar faces which I haven't seen in ages (and a few since high-school)

After alot of getting friends and cardmembers in(i was working,remember) it was time to finally have some fun!

To ARISTO!
I had me my first Jaeger Bomb (spelling?) and lets just say I found it pretty awesome.
I think I would suggest this at all parties (bbq's house-warmings etc) from now on. In fact......this Friday...there's a house-warming coming up...
After 2 jaegers and a vodka lime in Aristo, lotsa smack talking with friends and colleagues (yeap,the same faggots I see for 5 days a week, I manage to see for a 6th day in a week.Fark)
 it was time to hit the dance floor in Velvet!
By the way, Aristo is pretty quiet. Guess they're gonna do something about it to get more people in.

To VELVET UNDERGROUND!
Anyhoo,Velvet was SO DAMN PACKED!
Reminds me of the dance floors of the Malaysian Nights I went to back in Sydney (those were pretty awesome. after a couple of shots of whatever, you really start buzzing and your feet and hands get light and you can really   rock the music. at least, that's what I think I was doing)
Back to Velvet, joined Azzy's friends on the dance floor, but didn't get to do much dancing. After say 20 mins and a bit of moving in one spot (and getting shoved by some big jerk who kept backing into me,ASS!) boy was I thirsty! so me and Eugene goes out to get a drink at Terrace Bar
Mana tau...the place is packed enough for the bouncers to tell us, if u go out, I don't think u coming back in son
Crap..
So back to Velvet and got ourselves a beer each (damn barman didn't give me back my change. may you be infested with a thousand flies and get stomped on by a random passing by camel)
Now I think that beer pushed me a bit over the top coz I was swaying a little when I walked, and after an unsuccessful search for Azzy and her friend's, FUCK IT(by Eamon) outside for some fresh air.

From that point on,it was pretty much no more back into the club,and I just spent my time chillin outside catching up with some old familiar faces and some new ones.You do tend to meet quite a few acquaintances at big social bashes such as this.

To TERRACE BAR!(and the petering down of the night)
Since I ain't going back to the club, just sobered up at Terrace Bar with Eugene and a new friend, Mu(i think that's how her nickname was spelled) while waiting for Azzy and her friend's to finish up.
In the end, only when the club signalled the end of the night (when the lights come on) did we start to go home and that was around 4am already methinks.

To Home!
by the time I i dropped Eugene off after some good ol' supper and drove my ass home and took a shower..it was frickin 6ish already!i think it was the break of dawn by the time i closed my eyelids...phew!

The Aftermath
I properly awoke at 4pm.
But not before another faggoty colleague (Nicholas Chan Thiam Hock)who didn't join the party gave me a wake up call at 12.seriously man...that wasn't good.
Guess wat, I missed my sunday futsal session. Sorry guys,too wasted. BUT there was field football at 6.30 with Eugene! woots! lets just say,it was pretty good, and I need to practice a hell lot more. damn the ball is bouncy.
I am exhausted now,so I will slowly slip away into slumber with a sleeping aid, which is watching Bolton vs Liverpool (happening right now peeps)

Adios!